I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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