i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
