Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
