No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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