She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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