girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
