Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We're too hungover to prance.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
