I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
