look no pants
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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