Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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