I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
