Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
