Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
