It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
