i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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