I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
