I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize