he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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