I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
