your parents love me but you hate me
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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