She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
