Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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