when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
