By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
