So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
