I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize