I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
