My hair reeks of homosexuality.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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