HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
