i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So vagazzling was a success
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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