so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
