How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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