I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
