awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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