when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
