You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
