I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
