im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
