but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
