We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
