you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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