Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
