Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
