I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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