Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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