I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
