It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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