He had one of those small greek statue penises
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
