if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
