we have pet lesbian snakes
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
