If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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