Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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