He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
