Are my feet made of real feet?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
