either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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