i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
