I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
