you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
