what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize