if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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