I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
