Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
