ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
