I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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