broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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