You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
