i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
