if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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