mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
