yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
