He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
