Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
