He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
