lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
