I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
